Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Hello Burnout My Old Friend

Well this is one post I absolutely did not expect to be whipping up.

Yes, my old pal burnout has made a reappearance. I kind of knew it was happening on some level, but it looks and feels a little different to the great adrenal burnout of 2010-2014 so it took me a little by surprise.
But a big year of unexpected peaks and troughs, rounded out with the 'accident' and ACL reconstruction, chronic pain slash discomfort and daily physiotherapy has taken its toll, I suppose.
And here we are.
I've finally had a moment to breathe, in these few days off over Xmas and NY, and picked up the computer today to start the google search - "healing adrenal burnout", "burnout diet" and all the usual searches went in. And yes, they pulled up some great sites and resources, they also pulled up a lot of "easily cure your burnout with this one step" or things of that ilk. And honestly, that 'quick fix', fast-acting answer is NOT what I'm after.
I'm after stillness.
I have already made an appointment with my most life-changing and lovely naturopath Renee Naturally for next week - she's the one who helped me 3 years into my burnout the first time! - and I've upped the acupuncture. My acupuncturist this week told me the (slow but spot on) answer that MUST be part of my healing - meditation.
Just secretly, I've not been able to do a DOT or PINCH or SNIPPET of meditation at all since my accident. I have tried, and go into anxiety and panic attacks so stop immediately. Being with ME right now is hard work. There's pain, sadness, anxiety, and overwhelm.
Which is exactly why I need meditation. So I've pulled out the favourite new app, sat down today for 10 minutes, and fidgeted the whole way through. But here we go. It's on again, the slow and gentle and loving path to healing and reconnecting.
This shit is not easy. If only it was "just do some meditation and you'll be right". There is no quick answer. There is just time and more time and trying this and redesigning that and going over and over again. But I suppose it all comes down to just starting. Getting off the stress treadmill, and stepping into self-compassion. Not easy, but simple. Not fun, but a must.
Kinda fitting for a new year.

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