Sunday, September 09, 2012

Diary of a Detox :: Day 13 A little sad

Wow. I have just walked in the door after teaching yoga and am totally freaked out. My adrenals are on high alert and I'm in need of some calming tea, to be honest. On my way home a car had stopped in front of me, and - selfishly - I flashed my lights at them to stop reading their phone and drive! Hahaha well the universe showed me alright, because as I waited, I realised something was up. I was keen to get home, tired from a long day, but got out of my car and saw the scene, and immediately asked if I needed to call an ambulance. I did.

More cars came and went and I know in a split second I could have made the decision to continue driving like they did, but I called the ambulance for the poor girl who had come of her bike and was clearly in shock, having a massive panic attack, was shaking, with blood gushing out of her mouth, chin and hands.

She will be fine - I hung around as the police and ambulance came and they walked her to the cars, but as I got back into my car I burst into tears. How fragile we all are! So close to life and no life in a split second.

And I called a friend just to hear someone's voice - and as she asked how my week had been, I started crying. I have had a good week, but honestly I'm so disappointed my adrenals are playing up. I'm feeling better so I know that things are working and I need to stick with this cleanse, but when my kinesiologist looked at me and asked in shock, "What have you been doing this week? Your adrenals & thyroid are screaming!" it really frustrated me. I feel let down by my body. I used to go- go- go and not stop (um, clearly that's why I'm in this position) but now I have cut down on so much, I'm doing half of what I used to do, and still my body is betraying me.

But then I stopped when clever friend said to me, "You need to go home and give your adrenals a good talking to - tell them how much you love them, talk to them like they're a close, beautiful friend of yours."

My initial thought: My body is betraying me. But really, it's not. Instead, my body is speaking very clearly to me, telling me to stop, enjoy the sunshine, enjoy life, and notice the bliss around me. It's very clearly (loudly!) encouraging me to pace myself, to nourish myself, for longevity, for a full life.

So as I sip my chicken broth (nourishment to the max) and sit down for the first time in front of some mindless but much-loved crime tv, for the first time in a week, I'm gonna sit down with my adrenals and THANK THEM for taking care of me.

The more into this cleanse I get, I feel totally supported, chatting and laughing with Angie, and like I'm nourishing myself on all levels. The more I dive deeper, I know food is vital, but it's one piece of total nourishment. We so often look to this diet or that diet, when really, we just need to listen to our bodies (even if that means learning to re-learn how to listen).

Phew. So tonight, that's me. Till tomorrow, with love x


svasti said...

Argh! Adrenals giving you grief. That blows. :(

I know what you mean about feeling betrayed by your body, but then realising ummm, no... I need to give my body more love! It's been doing the best it can and now I abuse it for not being perfect?!

Been there, done that.

Some days are just worse than others. The more we keep up the nourishment, the easier the balancing act gets.

In fact these days if people see me on a good day, they'd never believe there's anything wrong with me. It's annoying to have such an invisible condition but that's why we have to rely on our bodies and work with them.

Sadly, our bodies are the only ones that really understand...

Hope you feel better soon!

Brook McCarthy said...

That is very scary! No wonder you burst into tears - more than understandable!

As for your adrenals - it would be nice if your kinesiologist used more gentle language and didn't frame it like it was your fault. It's funny how often yoga teachers are unkind with themselves. Your body is fabulous just as it is. If the cleanse is shaking things up then I would imagine it's normal for your adrenals to react - just like how when you're cleaning up a room, you have to make it more messy first.

Keep on keeping on. You're doing fine. X

Anonymous said...

No more updates??? Was following along until you stopped posting on detoxing:( What happened?

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