Wednesday, June 01, 2011

The revolution will not be televised...

I'm in Week 2 of my #40dayrevolution and I've hit a wall. In my practice, and in my life.

I'm also in Week 3 of my new life gig and I love it.. but the adrenaline has left. I'm now entering 'the real world'. It's a change - no longer am I teaching up to 18 (gulp!) classes a week and bending and stretching and flying with yogis all over Sydney. Instead, I'm spending most of my days sitting at a desk, teaching less than half the amount of classes, and yes.. ohhh totally loving it, but... adjusting.

So I suppose this is perfect timing really, to be in the middle of a revolution.  To HAVE to practice. To HAVE to journal about feelings. To HAVE to be in community.

Thank god.

When teaching, I'm often sharing with my yogis that each day we step onto the mat is a new & therefore different day. Colourful, bright and sparkly, or dull, monotone and down-right hard. And our job (some would say, our gift), as yogis, is to live through it as best we can, to get to tomorrow, to experience each moment and what it brings up.  When we're sad, to be sad. When we have a headache, to experience that ache - not to just drown it out with panadol.

Now, I have to practice what I preach.. and it's hard. I hear you all - life, it's tough. It's beautiful, sunny, sad, exciting, depressing and tiring. So how blessed are we to have other yogis around us that know exactly what we're going through?  This perhaps, is one of the best parts of the revolution.

In this 40 day journey, the asana was always going to be the easy part (for me, at least). A walk in the park. Even on the days when I'd rather stay in bed, once I'm on the mat, a transformation of sorts unfolds. It's a rare day when I finish a class and don't feel better than when I first started.

But the journaling, the inside exploration of the revolution, that's the tricky bit. And I'm hearing it from the other revolutionaries too. That to be honest with ourselves can be confronting.

My truth? As a yoga teacher, I sometimes feel like I'm letting people down when I admit I get depressed. That I have bad days. That some days I just want to cry.

But then I also acknowledge that these feelings will pass, and tomorrow is just another chance to start again and find that sparkle. And this is what connects ME to YOU on the mat.  I know the healing power of yoga.

I know the struggle to admit that our diet affects our moods, and that no matter how I try to convince myself that McDonald's is a plausible breakfast option, it's not.

I know what it's like to be dumped in relationships and still have to show up and be present at work.

I know what it's like to be cut off in traffic, tailgated, and beeped at.

I know what it's like to faceplant the floor when in bakasana (crow) - whilst demonstrating it to a room of 45 yogis all looking expectantly at me.

I also know what it's like to have people share their most deep thoughts and feeling with me, about inspiration, resilience and strength. To my beautiful friend who spent time in hospital last week without telling a soul, thank you for finding it in yourself to trust me.  To my beautiful yoga student who today cried in class, but still showed up, thank you. To the dearest yogi who hand crocheted me a blanket which brought sunshine to my day (and secretly made me cry when I got home, as I was so touched and reminded of my childhood) - thank you.

To everyone who reads this blog, leaves a post, or just sends out thoughts of joy and connection, thank you.

I know what it's like to be in the middle of change - and to get up, make the bed, and show up... when all you want to do is sleep.

And that's where we find transformation - in the showing up. So here is my journaling, my uncovering. It's a stream of thoughts, and it's part of the process. Thank you for being part of the process with me.

xo

4 comments:

Anni said...

I find that when an instructor shares weaknesses, bad days, rough patches etc. it allows us all to be human. Which we often forget is ok, if not great!

So thank you for sharing all the ups and downs and stream of thoughts... for connecting and for allowing others to let down their guards and just be.

It's a beautiful gift!

Amanda said...

Bella Stella!
I'm smiling at your bakasana face plant cause one of my students did that this morn and I nearly lost it in parsva bakasana. Yoga teachers are human too and our students love that transparency.

But what I really came by to say was THANK YOU for your comment on my blog post. xxx

green flings said...

Stella, this is Lisa from Wednesday morning Park St Elixr - I absolutely cherish your classes and insights, and I think it's so important to talk about the ups and downs of life, that's what life is, after all, all those bits mixed together. I particularly embrace those thoughts at the moment, I feel that your classes provide such a safe space to let go and feel everything. So please keep it up!

Would love to catch up over a tea one day! I work in the city M-W then from home in Manly Th-F, maybe after class one Wednesday? send me an email if you see this lisa_heinze@hotmail.com

xx

skinny latte said...

You are such a beautiful human being. xx

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