Sunshine

Sunshine after a period of depression is the darndest thing. It's not actually 100% dependant upon bright sunny skies, but is equally visible through sunniness of heart. And friends, I've got some big sunshine going on today - in the sky, and in the heart, after a dark night of the soul.

At least I know now, after decades of learning, that depression comes, and it will go. Then it will come back, and it will go. It's learning to ride the waves and not drowning!

A gorgeous friend of mine recently shared the idea of having an open palm through it all - to be honest, we were talking about relationships, but it's still relevant! Instead of grasping and grabbing a hold oh so tightly to something/ someone/ some other, we should invite an open palm. Let them in, let them out. Non-grasping - non-attachment, as those wise meditators would say.

On the other hand, it's letting things come and go without pushing the 'bad', the 'undesirable' away. There is no pulling, there is no pushing (non-aversion) - there is just a natural flow of the universe that we are a part of.

I loved this the first time she mentioned it, and it has been the basis of many meditations since then. But let's be honest, when depression visits, it's hard. It's soul destroying. It's lonely. It's overwhelming. So now, on this sunny day (on all levels) I am re-appreciating the simple visualisation of my friend's wise words - open palms.

To you, my friends, ease. xo

With love, from me to you

It's no secret that I'm a big believer in affirmations, and love love love. So here's a little present from me to you, a long time in the making, to share with your beloved on Valentine's Day (and every other day!), to pin up in your homes, & to remind yourself of frequently!

With thanks to the gorgeous, patient and loving Jacqui of Yoga Design for her creativity.

The Shiny Yoga Manifesto - with love xo

Download image here :)

5 Minute Meditation with love

From me to you, here's a wee little 5 minute guided meditation.

Here's a little secret: For all the years I've been doing yoga, meditation is the one thing I've consistently found challenging. I can't simply sit still and find bliss, peace and love. But give me a guided meditation and I'm happy as can be. So here's the first of many guided meditations to listen to and to bliss out to. Let this be a simple introduction to the huge array of meditation methods out there - wisdom that my teachers have shared with me, and that I now share with you.

Hopefully you'll find it helpful - and if you're on a roll, continue to sit in stillness for a few minutes more.

Love x

Click here to download the meditation from Podbean xo

What happens when you want to punch goal setting in the face

As most of you on here would know and appreciate, goal setting is like a road map.  The process will help you get from A-Z, and help you move forward. It totally serves a purpose. Pre-adrenal fatigue, I was a Master Goal Setter. Heck, I even led workshops on it!

But after inching closer and closer to my 3rd year of battling adrenal fatigue, I've realised that sometimes life isn't as simple as A, B and C. And sometimes, it’s really not useful to set goals - unless you want to feel dejected, upset and overwhelmed.

So there I was: Master Goal Setter one day, and then I got sick and... woah! Everything shifted. As any good Master Goal Setter would do (can you tell I absolutely defined myself by this talent?) I adjusted my goals, I redefined them, I set new parameters around what was now important to me. Major illnesses have a habit of doing things like that you.

But for someone so used to being a good kick-ass little human DO-ing, where I would tick the goals off and move onto the next, I was lost.  

But I knew one thing for sure, and that was:
My goals and goal setting were no longer serving me.

It was time to drop the goals, and to just be. I had to return to Stella the human BE-ing. And, my gosh, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I had no idea where to start or what to do next, because let's be honest, making goals makes sense, and fits into a neat little box labelled ‘achievement’ and ‘worth’. But all of a sudden I started to feel absolutely repelled by the things which had once been the basis of structure in my life.  If you dared mention the words 'goal' and 'setting' to me - especially on a difficult adrenal, bone-tired day when it took all my energy to literally get out of bed, have a shower and plonk in front of the computer at work -  there was an overwhelming urge for me to punch you in the face(except that would take too much energy)!  

Thank god I was too tired to do anything, but that repulsion was strong - and hey, I'm a yogi! I don't go round punching people in the face. I figure out why I'm so affected by them, and find what lesson I can learn. Well, I used to. Now, I just wanted to scream. 

All my tools were of no use to me anymore.

I would write down my affirmations, and go to say them, and laugh at what a joke they were. 

I would start collecting images for a vision board, and then in a fit of anger and tiredness, one night rip them all up and throw them away.

I would keep changing my goals and readjust them over and over again, and then I'd fall in a heap because I was too tired to even take the first step towards them, no matter how teeny tiny they were.

I became frustrated that I couldn't do my strong vinyasa yoga class anymore.

I'd get upset that meditation put me to sleep.

I was devastated that even teaching my beloved yoga was starting to drain me.

But the good thing about being so sick, so tired, so sad, is that you just get through the day; you just do the very next best thing that you can.

Screw goals: My day was a success if I went to work. Bugger practicing yoga: If I could eat dinner, the day was a winner.  The most basic things in my life, like eating fruits and veg, became mountain-sized obstacles.  Sleep was my haven, but unfortunately a lot of people, bosses in particular, don't really get/ understand/ care if you're tired.  Thus the partner of my adrenal fatigue, depression, reared its ugly head and I felt beaten black and blue by life. 

Then one day, driving to work, I sang along to the radio. I was so shocked that I nearly veered into the lane beside me. I was singing! I felt a tiny sliver of lightness and (dare I say it) happiness, sneak back into my world for a split second. 

As a wise friend said to me, “We don't visualise and meditate and say our affirmations because our life will unfold like we intend and wish it to. We don't even do it so we inch closer to our dreams. We do it so we don't fall backwards, we do it so we don't stop growing.”

So my lesson to share today is: It's ok to want to hate goal setting and it's ok to not do it. In fact, it's more than ok. You have to do what is right for you at any moment. There is one constant in life, and that is that nothing stays the same. If you stop finding value in something – explore letting it go. Trust your instinct. To thine own self be true.

Practice the yogi tenant of “ahimsa” (non-violence), at the very minimum, to and for yourself, daily. Some days you may need to cry all day, or sleep all day. Then the next day, without warning, you may sing in the car. But trust that sometimes YOU know the answer, even when others around you don't. 

It's ok to feel like you want to punch goal setting in the face, but it's absolutely NOT ok to keep doing something just because everyone else tells you to do it. Trust yourself, and take time to figure out if what you’re doing serves you – wonderful, gorgeous, individual you. This way, you can bloom again.

Filling Your Cup

Another dream in the making - it's here!

The gorgeous Jacqui and I have launched our 2013 e-course, 21 Days of Filling Your Cup.  We specifically waited until after the holidays, after the new years resolution setting, after the 'back to reality' time of heading back to work. We wanted to meet YOU in your daily life. And here you are :)

Somewhat a little tired, maybe a little despondent after realising that when holidays finish, when reality sets back in, so does life. And sometimes, despite dreams and goals, real life is highly unglamorous, busy and sometimes mundane. So how do you fill your cup when you're faced with that?

How do you keep full of spunk and spark, in order to share with others?

Over 21 days, we'll help you find out simple, daily ways to keep that flow in your life and make you all shiny and happy. Come have a look - guest experts are being announced weekly :)

Falling in love...

Do you love yourself? Honestly, truly, knee-shaking, heart pounding love yourself?
I gotta say, I am very fond of me but all-out, walk through fire love? I just can't answer yes in a resounding way - so I'm changing that this year.

Basically, stel, change comes from thinking thoughts you've never thought before and showing up to meet them down streets you've never walked before. You ready for some firsts? Are you? Yodeling,     The Universe I know all the stuff to do - I've done the courses, read the self-help books, paid good money for this stuff!! But you know what, I haven't done the one, most important thing. I haven't tried to do it myself.  I'm pretty awesome at finding the answer - the book, the course, the teacher - to help me figure things out, but to look in the mirror each morning and literally say "I love you" or to practice my daily affirmations, or to journal lovingly, to write my daily gratitude list, to meditate regularly.... that stuff takes work, and I'm ready.

I'm currently on a yin yoga intensive with the gorgeous Sarah Powers of Insight Yoga. This woman is phenomenal!! But one of the biggest things I'm taking from her (ready to hear it, I guess!) is that you must simply practice. Get on your meditation cushion, and practice. So for the next 90 days, I'm practicing 12 minutes a day.

Not to find enlightenment, but ok'ness. Not to find the answer, but to be ok with what is. My word of the year is 'Grace' so hopefully there'll be a bit of that in there too, in some way, shape or form but really there's no ideal outcome. It's just a practice of being. So here we go.

Me in all my glory. Will you join in?

New Year - Diving Deep

This week I'm over the moon to be heading to a 5 day Insight Yoga Intensive with the phenomenal Sarah Powers.

Let's take a moment for that to sink in, shall we? 5 days with Sarah Powers! To say I'm excited would not do justice to how happy I feel.

I haven't done a yoga training for a wee while and cannot wait to dive deep, uncover new layers, and to explore yin yoga dynamics more. With my last couple of years battling adrenal fatigue, and a shift in yoga teaching that saw me pick up and share more yin yoga than ever before, I'm so honoured to be spending this time with one of the world's best Yin teachers.

Stay tuned for updates :)
x

New year, clean slate

I had a horrid run of luck over the last few days of 2012 and beginning of 2013. I kid you not, it looked like this:

- Christmas day, my car window was smashed and car broken into

- A couple of days later my iphone went swimming

- New years day my car was keyed across 3 panels

- New years day night I realised I'd lost my portable modem

- And then within a few days, my car's air-conditioning broke - during a heat wave in Sydney

I won't lie - I cried, I stamped my feet, I had a shout AND THEN I got to a place of peace. After all, my word of 2013 is grace, and I took this run of bad luck as a real lesson from the universe to test out how bad I really wanted to honour my word. (And I wanted it bad)

How did I get there? Well, I guess because life continues to happen - it's always going to happen, but it's how we respond to it that makes us the person we are. In other words, am I run by fear or love? 

Let's be honest, no matter how graceful/ yogic/ calm or loving we aim to be, life happens and sometimes life can really be poo. It's like the weather - sunny, cloudy, thunderstorms and then sunny all over again. It doesn't mean anything is wrong when we go through a bad patch, it just means we're prepping for greatness. (Surely!)

And how lucky am I to own a car, an iphone, have net access and friends to support me and who totally love me, even when I feel scared and helpless.

It's not a bad position to be in after all.

Blessings to you for a graceFULL 2013. 

xo